


Them just before us

by dyonders



Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Age Difference, Gay Character, Germany, Homophobia, M/M, Nazi Germany, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22762624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyonders/pseuds/dyonders
Summary: "There is a certain tendency in other young lads, you know how they are, prone to fights, they show the hardness before tenderness" his face pressed with the armchair, the wrinkles of the eyes marked his old age, likewise those eyes showed liveliness , at least for Freddy, "you may have noticed it in your teachers while growing up.""Those who aren't like that are mostly girls.""I'm not telling you a girl" he said, "but I see you more reflected in them; in the hands, the gestures, when you sit down and while you walk. It is normal for adults to have a certain interest in such characteristics, men lose their tenderness as they age, it leads us to want to garnish those they are like you. ""I still don't understand what they see in boys like me.""Vulnerability"
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story touches the relationship between Klenzendorf and Finkel before the events of Jojo Rabbit (2019), in which explores what happens after the Kit Kat bars and Hitler's rise to power.  
> Original characters are added.  
> More than their relationship I want it to show how the bond between these two affects others' people life and also show their vulnerability and coarseness not only with those around but eachother.  
> This is my first wip, I have no idea what am I doing yet.

Waltz in before

Commonly, Klenzendorf would have woken up with Rue's tail on his face or the tickle on his feet by the whiskers of the hungry cat. However, the animal never appeared to begin his morning routine. He rolled from side to side of the bed, trying to see where the pet was just to find nothing. There was no fur on the carpet or the sheets, the door was open for entry but the cat was not in sight. He did not care.

He didn't make the bed after getting up from it, strange as he was an orderly person. Klenzendorf entered the bathroom and looked in the mirror with a dull expression: he was old, the wrinkles in his eyes betrayed him and just like some white hairs he tried to hide with a hat. The left eye was just as the battle had left it, he put two fingers on his eyelids and opened them to further reveal the blind pupil that tormented him. That morning the order of his routine was altered, his cold shower switched to a warm hug of water, he did not iron his uniform and drank a glass of water, followed by a glass of unfinished whiskey from the previous day.

As he walked to his kitchen he called Rue with a typical meow, without showing up, he filled his food and milk bowl that he then drank directly from the same cardboard. Although the loaf of bread remained intact on the table, followed by sausages and butter, the captain opted for coffee, lots of sugar, and a cigarette. The day was beautiful, as it looked out of the window, he was ready to leave when he thought again where Rue was, surely in the study under the bookcase but he didn't mind looking, and he left, still unbothered, at first, about where was

Freddy in before

The cat emerged from his trash can, eating something, that morning, the shiny red fur that hissed at the young man when he tried to scare him away with a broom. Holding the broomstick with one hand while the other clutched the door latch. Until now he had not fixed it. When the strands of straw brushed the cat, it jumped, tossing the trash can on the snow, and landed on Freddy's window. Freddy cursed as he followed the animal drag a dead mouse between its teeth toward his floor. He didn't like animals, he didn't like cats and even less cats that brought mice in their teeth.

Slowly he entered his house again with the broom still in hand looking for the invading creature. He was barefoot, his feet froze with the floor, and each step gave him a chill but almost a heart attack when his right foot stepped on the dead mouse. He shrieked as he lifted his foot, swept aside the tiny corpse without looking down, still searching. He entered his kitchen where he found the bristling animal under the legs of the table, green eyes staring at him, clenched claws and a pointy tail in the air. Freddy knocked on the table scaring the cat, in an instant it had escaped, climbing up the chimney that led to the roof. He closed the grid and waited for it to leave as

Waltz in before

Herr Elmer greeted him with his arm raised: "Heil Hitler, Waltz," sitting outside his house, enhancing the flowers in his vase. The man was over seventy years old, his white scalp matched the snow of the day and the wrinkles in his mouth and eyes were much deeper than those of K. The captain did not know if he had fought in the last war as he did. Klenzendorf was fed up with the wars. Always smiling and although he was much older than K, Elmer seemed more youthful, but not because of his appearance, but because of that attitude that K had lost after the battle. "Heil Hitler, Elmer."

"Officer, huh?" Elmer smirked, "Be careful with such power, don´t do stupid things like those Gestapo bozos."

"I already am one" K. joked. "By the way, have you seen Rue? He didn't wake me up today and I still can't find him."

"I couldn't tell you. Cats are like that, Waltz," he replied, "mine escaped for no reason."

"I just don't want to go to the office without finding him" Klenzendorf was worried as if the cat was coming back. He looked at the vase, "what do you got there?"

"Flowers," Mr. Elmer cheered, "they are beginning to rot since it is winter, but new ones will come in May."

"I'll make sure to buy you a bouquet when the time comes."

"Any special lady to receive that gift?" His voice was so soft.

"We'll have to see" K avoided the question, "Heil Hitler."

The captain went to the office, wondering about "that lady", the one that his mind always had tricked him into thinking that would come and fall in love with him, he hoped she was beautiful or simply just fine, whoever who could tolerate him and give him a kid. Sometimes he would check out the girls passing, focusing and trying to notice in them something that could thrill him, forget about old days, find someone

Freddy in before

He liked to look at her in the mornings, in her fur coat with the green striped dress, the yellow heels, and the pink lipstick. Emma left her house at around seven in the morning to attend her job as a preschool teacher. Freddy made sure to greet her every morning, to do that his daily routine was to wake up at five in the morning, sweep the snow from the planters and windows, take a shower - cold water, a shame - and iron his uniform. Anxious and eager to leave the gate of his house asking if he had rubbed cologne on his neck after dressing.

It was six in the morning and the cat was still there, on its roof placed next to the smoke that yesterday's fire emanated from the chimney. He tried to hit him with a snowball but the cat was still in his comfortable place. He'll be down sooner or later, he thought.

Freddy was getting dressed, buttoned his white shirt in front of his closet mirror, reached the suspenders to his shoulders and finally put on his shoes. He made sure he had the curtains closed since his room looked right at the room of a married couple who he had seen them before staring at him while he was dressing.

Now it was seven o'clock, he put on his coat and hat, right when he left he saw her: the young woman seemed as beautiful as ever. He approached, with a clumsy and cheerful step, while she smiled and reached her arm to greet him.

"Friedrich" she leaned upon to kiss him on the cheek, "Heil Hitler"

"Heil Hitler" he replied with greater enthusiasm, "are you going to work with those children?"

"Wishing will not bring bread to my table"

"I am aware" the conversation was going nowhere, as he rushed to make a compliment, something obvious that will assure her Freddy was interested, his voice quaked, "I like the coat"

"Oh," she checked herself out, "yeah, these days are now getting colder, you should wear a thicker one, you'll catch a cold."

He laughed.

"I won't, everything will be

Waltz in before

"Fine" Klenzendorf spit out.

He was assigned to take care of the children, children of Jungvolk who later himself would be in charge of sending them to the war years later. For now, he only had to play games, idiocies like tying ropes, throwing grenades and supervising the older troops of teenagers, between 16 and 20 years. Klenzendorf, whose pride after leaving the trenches a decade ago with a rifle still in his hands, Klenzendorf who had received a medal for his courage, Klenzendorf who had lost his eye for his incompetence now looked after children, because that was what they told Him was worth of.

Of course, there was a long season for the Jungvolk camp to start, besides, he had to go to supervise the camp, ask for what it was needed, check the number of tents, which boys would take care of the children's troops. A few years ago he had the opportunity to command real men to fight, but that was already from the past when he did not have to use the swastika on his chest and raise his arm high when greeting. Before he felt very young, when the crisis shook Germany he felt a blown to old age, but the moment he entered the office and saw all the young lad and ladies already indoctrinated in the same camp he felt like an old old man, even as old as Elmer.

Ten boys' heil the captain in unison, Klenzendorf cringed, he felt uncomfortable. That was not his place. When he greeted them, a tall blonde girl approached him with a list:

_Adelberg, Hans (19)_

_Allenbach, Erin (17)_

_Bachhuber, Hilda (18)_

_Carter, Anna (17)_

_Finkel, Friedrich (19)_

_Meyer, Karoline (16)_

_Schmitz, Heinrich (16)_

_Schröder, Gertrud (19)_

_Vogel, August (20)_

_Weber, Elise (17)_

The list sorted them in alphabetical order, although his sight of the ten youngsters was ordered by height, leaving the girls and some boys more left. The tallest girl reached his height and the tallest boy a span more than him. The captain swallowed and stuck to the left, everyone was staring at him, with a dead expression, except for the short redhead whose face showed fear.

"When I call you please come with a step forward" announced in a clear and powerful voice.

The round begun.

“Hans Adelberg.”

“Here.”

“Erin Allenbach.”

“Here.”

“Hilda Bachhuber.”

“Here.”

“Anna Carter.”

“Here.”

Freddy in before

“Friedrich Finkel”

The man called his name out loud. Freddy stepped forward seeing the captain in terror. They crossed glances, the tense lips of the man made a strange grimace when he saw the red-haired young man, standing with the list in hand, seeing the name again in case he had made a mistake in pronouncing it.

Before, it was normal for him to escape from his parents' house, when he was still living with them, and go for strange walks with strange people in strange places, where Freddy could experience what person he wanted to be and who he could be in the future. At sixteen he went to those bars for the first time where the liquor is sweet and the smoke from the cigar didn't stink so much. When being a boy it was exciting to be surrounded by older people who looked at you with rarity and appetite, keeping the distance to the innocent face rookies who went to see if they liked the love of men. He did not like it, at first; he still saw Emma and the blood ran to his cheeks, causing the freckles that dotted his face to get lost in the reddish. Even so it was fun to go, receive drinks from strangers who smiled at him and the next day see them hide their faces when he saw them in the church, continue like this for a couple of years until the funny-eyed man approaches him with boring war stories and tells him that he likes his freckles.

He smiles at him, and the other smiles back, a real one. It is night and he does not care about his drinks or at what time to return home, the music plays very loudly but still the man listens to him, laughs with him, and he laughs, and he laughs...

But in that moment Freddy felt dizzy, seeing the eye ruined, he felt a shiver, his hands sweated and his lower lip trembled and...

"Are you there?"

He awoke.

"Here."

And then they both pay for the drinks as they leave.

"Pay more attention when I speak" the funny-eyed man growled.

“Yes”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made K a cat dad

Waltz in before

Vogel approached him accompanied by a younger recruit, Friedrich, they carried in their arms two boxes full of pamphlets and posters for the Jungvolk camp. Vogel was huge, leaving his companion a palm behind, the Captain clung to the site, watching from his position as they unloaded the boxes in his office. It was 9 in the morning.

"Make sure you encourage more lads to support the camp, we already have too many _pimpfes_ registered."

The truth is that there were **too many** for just one summer camp, in total there were more than 300 children, he needed at least 20 more boys to help him control things out. It was too much, even for just kids, but his head returned to the cat. Rue where are you? The pen went from listing the amount of DJ blades to drawing in the corner of the sheet an absurd cartoon of the animal, sleeping on top of the word "needed", when Elise entered without knocking, she entered next to Karoline with two buckets, a trolley and brushes, it was winter and the girls were forced to wear skirts.

"We’ll pick the bulletins" the older one said, “are they here, right?”

“Yes, yes” K put a glass on top of the drawing, “but why did they brought them here?”

“I don’t know” Elise shrugged, “the other guy insisted.”

Weird. He looked to his right where a small box carried some posters, he did them himself in his spare time.

“Hey, Elise” he called her, “may you put this on after gluing the others?”

He gave her five rolled posters.

“What are them?”

“Just obey.”

As they left, Klenzendorf moved away the glass to see how it had leaved a stain, the paper was ruined. He sighed, throwing the list away and starting again. He found easy to avoid things just for the sake of doing what he had to do before, yet somehow distractions keep disturbing his mind: Rue, “That lady”, the camp, the boys that entered, that boy…

Freddy thereafter

Freddy was playing with the knife, in one hand he grabbed the handle and with the other stroked the flat side of the blade, it was not sharp, and when his thumb brushed it he felt nothing. He was supposed to collect the firewood behind the kitchen, but after seeing half of the recruits without moving despite the captain's orders, he chose not to do anything. Two girls entered the room dragging a trolley, they looked right into Freddy.

“You could’ve just gave them to us” they hissed.

“I’ll help you with those” Freddy tried to help.

Elise doubted him, she approached him with a simple "fine" and left the boxes at his feet, Karoline would help him now.

Freddy went out with the girl to hand out the newsletters in the street, even though it was still daytime people preferred to be inside their warm houses. Its 3 pm. Karoline grabbed a stack of posters and began to adhere them to the walls of the square, covering the old ads for inflation and cereals. Freddy instead chased the mothers of the place to take their children to the camp, they fled. His nose became increasingly red, his hands despite the gloves froze, perhaps if he should have collected the firewood before leaving. An hour had passed and he still held half of the bulletins in his hand. He didn't care, he didn't want to come back yet. The captain was still in the office and memories at the bar tormented him.

"Freddy" Karoline called him.

When the boy turned to her, the girl was holding different posters, they did not said: "Jung im Dienste des Führer, Jung für Deutschland" but "Fehlt" in bad calligraphy, they presented a drawing of a cat and a brief description, they asked to take it to the office if found.

"What do we do with these?" The girl asked.

Freddy knew that damn cat, even with just a silly drawing. In an instant he knew that he should have thrown away the cat, he should have done it...

"Give them to me," he asked, "I will place them elsewhere."

He put one inside his coat, the rest instead threw them

Waltz thereafter

“Away” K yelled, “go away.”

Over the course of the day, too many questions from the recruits stunned him, even for the simplest things. Weren’t Hitler Hitlerjugend ex members supposed to know this? He closed the door next to the curtains and began the long paperwork. The stacks of paper piled on his desk next to the whiskey bottles, the posters and the Medal of Honor, a mess for Klenzendorf. He would never have seen that he would work in an office, less with children.

He still did not liked that job, maybe in the future but kids were not something K would have preferred to work with. He imagined the bad behaviors they would adapt from him. He was aware that kids sneak out to drink or smoke but nobody wants to say it aloud, also to see an officer distracting himself with a flask. Drinking alone, keeping a bottle for himself was better than letting others see him get wasted and getting away from him. Or maybe he just didn’t have someone to drink with.

When he sipped from the glass, the bitterness of the liquor reminded him of the bars, those that you have no ladies to flatter, reminded him of the one where his drink tasted sweet, and the other men intimidated him or they move away. The boy was in his memory but now he worked in the office but K didn't want to say hello.

Anxious at every moment, he turned to the mirror next to the shelf and because the mirror lied to him, he believed, he was wearing a tuxedo and the woman next to him a white dress with the veil discovering the face of the girl he was going to kiss, then they would dance, there would be time later for the children, to Hitler and the camp.

He moved away from it, electric, he was going fast at the door of the office, as in war but in his head, with the grenade in his hand and the cigarette on his lips, only he didn't find “that lady” but a boy, and he had his bulletin of "Fehlt."

"I have it, I think he’s still in my roof."

Freddy in before

“Meow, kitty, kitty” the lad purred at the roof. It was 2 pm.

Freddy purred even louder, he distinguished the cat from the snow, "Rue" what an ugly name. It was dumb but he climbed on top of the windows, placing the right foot with which he had crushed a mouse over the frame, and with his left hand touching the tiles, well, only his nose came to touch the tiles. The young man's eyes narrowed at the sight of the animal escaping at his side, in a single jump that Freddy had cost so much to just take a look. He tried to get down safely when his foot slipped on the ice of the frame, letting him fall on the snow in his garden. Freddy squealed. He hit the ground hardly but without any damage, he looked like an angel in the snow.

Maybe the captain would have to learn to live without his cat, he thought, when some yellow heels approached him, only that they came upside down.

"It's yours?"

Emma.

"No, it isn't." He stood up, rubbing his head. He saw her with the cat in her arms, purring at her hand from the scratches on his back. "You caught him."

"He came to me" she smiled at the ball of hair. "So who is it from?"

The funny-eyed man.

"My boss" it was weird to call him that.

When Freddy tried to grab him, the cat escaped from the girl's arms towards a tree, darn. He turned to Emma.

"I thought you went to work" Freddy said.

"Me too," she replied, "but the snow has covered the entrance to the school and the children cannot enter. A pity ... How are things going in the camp?"

Bad.

"Good," he responded, "I made new friends."

He didn't.

"Good for you, Friedrich," she gave him a smile, "Maybe one day I will meet them. Oh, before I leave, I wanted to invite you for tea, I don't know if you'd like to come tonight."

"Are you English or something?" he joked, "I'd love to."

"Great!" she radiated, she looked so cute like this, "make sure you bring something."

When she left in Freddy it broke, a stupid happiness sprouted from his chest, followed by a smile that started to hurt his cheeks, but it was a happy feeling after all. Liking Emma was his safe zone, he didn’t have to worry about where he was as long as Freddy wouldn’t commit old mistakes that would put his position

Waltz thereafter

_At risk, not only for what I did but for the boy. It was easy for me to lose myself in his memory, he still looked very young but in two years I had aged ten…That amused me, he entertained me, with his clumsy steps, seeing his reflection in the windows to make sure that his hair was still well combed. What I was worried about was how they saw him, I don't know, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want anyone to talk to him. Anyway I liked to look at him, distracted and funny if a butterfly crossed his face when he walked. With an absurd expression if a boy made a joke or a pretty girl said something nice to him. Gentle to others and to me, especially to me. From time to time I stayed more in the room to see the lads, and he, absorbed in his work, getting more uncomfortable when our eyes cross, sometimes even looking at the wall, as if he wanted me to have already forgotten. I have not done it. But I don't love you anymore, or at least not now, it's not that I can too, but I haven't forgotten. What._

“I said I found it” Freddy said.

“You read my sign?”

The boy nodded, he was holding the poster inside his coat.

“Oh” K was still woozy, he looked behind him and beside, “where is him?”

“What?”

That annoyed the captain.

“Where is my cat?” he howled.

Freddy snapped, dropping the poster at his feet, the man's face didn't show him tenderness anymore.

“He's in my house” he said, “I found him this morning in my trash can, now he’s hiding in my roof tiles, I hope he’s still there.”

Klenzendorf listened to him but he didn't catch anything, he just looked at him. The boy had grown a little, the freckles were still on his face and his lip was still shaking, he had a cigarette off behind his ear, his leg was restless, showing his nerves. He knew that he had recognized him, but even so K remained distant, causing Freddy's inner fury. But he wanted to tell him something nice, or to ask him how life was going. He did not.

“I’ll make sure to pick him up tonight.”

Fuck.

Freddy thereafter

Its 6 pm when Freddy walks back home without someone to accompany him. Before he could return to his parents' house but their house was on the other side of the city, in the more rural areas where communication with the town was almost non-existent. His small place was modest but adequate, even though his parents still helped him pay for the services, serving in Jungvolk would give him enough money to pay off a few debts.

The beautiful two-floor building painted in red with a small garden facing the street was in darkness, the tree growing next his house started to meow. At least that night the cat would be gone. As he entered he put his coat and hat in the rack. He was thirsty, but he didn’t had alcoholic beverages in his house, he wouldn’t allow it, so he sat on the couch, who would’ve said giving away bulletins could be so exhausting, not even counting all the chase he had to do, that night he had something to laugh at, wondering how all those ladies felt when a random guy in a trench coat started to pursue them telling them to give him their kids, how silly.

Suddenly his eyelids began to weigh. He tried to keep his head up but in minutes he lay on top of the couch looking at the ceiling, he felt tickles and stress on his shoulders, he turned facing the pillow, his teeth nibbling on the loose threads of the fabric, his hands always anxious scratching his leg and hair. He didn't know, but he was scrubbing himself against the couch, emitting soft moans that were drowned in the pillow. He kept doing that with his mind in blank, guilt would chase him if he thought of anyone. But a laugh would come up in his head that was there while he pleasured himself. Then the door knocked.

Freddy jumped of the couch, trying to hide what he was doing before in his trousers. He walked to the door, trembling as usual, doubting at the last minute if the cat was his and not some random cat on the street that jumped to him by causality. Perhaps it was too red, or even a female, and anxiety attack got him, as he grabbed the knob covered in sweat, he…

“Good night, fella’ ” The captain saluted, “heil Hitler.”

“Heil Hitler, captain.”

The captain was wearing his usual clothes, with a gigantic coat, almost could pass as a cape, with his hat full of snow. He was holding a fat cigar, half-smoked, probably because of the cold.

“I suppose you have my cat.” He huffed. The cat. He still hadn't taken him down from the tree.

“Yeah, he's in my tree” he said so lightly that he worried that the man wouldn’t take it so easy on him, but he just rolled his eyes.

“That goddam animal can’t stay out of damm trees, can’t he?” he looked behind him to the small pine tree, where the meowing didn’t stop. When he heard that his face lighted up like a bonfire. “I can't see him.”

Freddy gasped and ran to his house for a flashlight, throwing everything that was on his desk to find it. When he did, the lad grabbed it and ran back to his door, to find the man climbing the tree to catch his beloved. Freddy couldn’t help to laugh.

His dear Rue was just a foot in front of him, Klenzendorf smiled to the cat which stayed bristled when their faces looked at each other.

“It’s okay, Rue, you can jump, I’ll catch you”. The tenderness in his voice came back, the one that only his cat deserved.

He was already imagining carrying the cat in his arms to his home at night, and yell at him, as if he would understand, why did he ran away, then he'd put in his bed, so as he, and wait until tomorrow for him to wake him up again.

But that wasn’t his cat, and **she** scratched him.

The captain couldn’t even screech before falling from the tree. Freddy did. The man hit the ground just as Freddy did in the morning, only that a hollow sound rumbled, it sounded so horrible that the lad thought he might have killed himself.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” K mumbled between his teeth, he had crashed the cigar when he rubbed his nape. He turned to Freddy, still alive. “That wasn’t him!”

“How could I have known!” Freddy shouted, showing his missing sign, “This didn’t help much either!”

“For fuck’s sake” K stood up. He touched his temple, right where the claws had ended; his fingers were covered in red.

“Jesus” Freddy would’ve regretted it, “just come inside, I’ll heal that.”

He was right after all.

Waltz thereafter

Klenzendorf has lost an eye yet he bawl like a child for a scratch. When the towel cleaned the wound from his temple, all the dry blood started to go away, as K punched the table Freddy put the Band-Aid in his wound.

“I am sorry you had come here at night for a cat that wasn’t even yours, captain” Freddy apologized.

“Nah, it’s alright. It was a shitty drawing anyways” K was just tired, “and stop calling captain; we’re not in the office anymore”

“Sorry, captain.”

Klenzendorf laughed, Freddy loved that laugh. He was still wondering where did Rue go. It was only a day but he still missed him, it was the only good thing after coming from work. And now Friedrich Finkel was nursing him in his house, just like in a hospital, but the beautiful nurse was a guy, what a way to end the day.

“I bet a year ago you would’ve called me something else” K smirked to him. In his head Freddy would’ve leaned over and kiss him, but he slapped him. “Don’t!”

“Don’t what” Freddy shook off his hands, “I see you after years and you don’t even want to speak to me. Now you’re head officer of the Jungvolk training camp as if what you did meant nothing, how are you even alive?”

_I just don't anyone to talk to you_

“I changed, Freddy,

_I only want to speak to you_

maybe it's your turn to change too”

Freddy stood up, leaving the captain sitting alone.

“Change? That night you made me feel amazing about whom I was, not even with what people said” He bawled, “and now you try to erase such feelings because of your position?”

“It's not that,

_I want you safe_

in the past would’ve been great,

I _want you alive_

but that way people used to think

_With me_

have changed, and you can't do anything about it.”

“Then why are you now talking to me?”

“To say hello, and because of Rue, obviously” K needed a drink, he reached for his flask when Freddy stopped him.

“We don’t drink in here.” Old Freddy would have drained that flask.

Klenzendorf was going to put it down when he offered him the flask. Freddy was speechless, looking with fear the drink.

“Maybe it’ll remind you of those days, when things were fun.”

“I thought you wanted me to forget all that stuff.” And he grabbed the flask and gave it a sip; he started coughing. “What the fuck is that?”

“It isn’t sweet?” K smiled, was he drunk? “I remember everything that night tasted sweet.”

Klenzendorf tried to touch the lad’s hand. He refused.

“It's late” Freddy looked at the clock, “perhaps you should leave.”

Klenzendorf felt heartbroken.

“You’re right” he left the chair and grabbed the missing poster, “I should take these out before anyone confuses much more.”

“I didn't post them” Freddy said shyly, “I thought I got the one.”

“Well, he’ll come back, they always do” he hoped Freddy caught that. “And thanks for nursing that wound.”

“No problem” he led K to his door, “I´ll see you tomorrow at the office.”

Freddy stretched his arm to shake his hand when the captain gave him a kiss on the cheek, quick and simple kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow”

Freddy thereafter

It felt good, that night, his hand touched his cheek where the captain had left his mark; that night felt so good that he had forgotten to have tea with Emma.


	3. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts

Waltz in before  
The mirror was still lying to Klenzendorf but he didn't care much, after all he knew that what it was saying would not be fulfilled; at the moment that "that lady" appeared in the reflection, with the white dress from before K just laughed, because he did not love her, he did not love Finkel either, but it was more credible that his feelings were directed to him than someone else. It didn't matter, because he was fed up with relationships, maybe before, when he still had the strength and courage to greet a woman, but it's hard to get something serious when you're in your forties and you're missing an eye.

In the bar people looked at him, but not because they found him attractive, but because that man they looked at maybe commanded them, fought with, or just because they found him too undesirable. A few times they approached him, mostly young men, but there was nothing interesting about them, none had experienced the first war, they were still children for him. That bothered him, because a few nights he really tried, he made himself stand out, with combed hair and a cute shirt, maybe he did not drank with anyone but he danced alone, at least he had fun for a while. Then he turned away from the mirror.

The habit forced him to fill Rue's plate of food even though he was still intact from how he left it yesterday. At breakfast he remembered about two nights ago. Freddy, Freddy, Freddy. He recalled him more naive, but who was he to judge anyway. In Freddy´s house order and chaos reigned simultaneously, on the one hand everything was in place but with seeing Freddy anxious at every moment that tranquility was lost. Then they hadn't touched, of what he thought, but that night his hands touched his face at every moment, just because of his injury but it was a touch of him and that was what he counted. The boy also slapped him too. It was twice that he tried, one successful the other rejected, and when he kissed him...

The courtesy kisses reminded him of the ladies, and the French, but they were not in the land of love, but Germany. He wondered if Freddy met someone, maybe that simple kiss was more important than he thought; it was possible to see him with a girl, perhaps "that lady" who thought she was destined for him was for Freddy, she throwing the bouquet and the young man leaning for the kiss of the bride and groom. That would mean that he would become a member of the SS and Klenzendorf of those who would be part of the bride's entrance. But Freddy didn't love any girls, he hoped.

While his thoughts cornered him the cigarette burned between his fingers, the ashes burned in his skin causing him pain, he hissed and crushed what was left of his cigarette on the same table. His breakfast had been half a cigarette, and Freddy. He reached for his flask and filled it with any drink that was on his table; after all they all tasted him the same. He wondered how many times he had fallen asleep because of that flask, none, or just couldn’t name a time.

On the front all the men drank, those who left alive still did it but he did not see them drunk on the day; in the bars everyone was drunk, when that place was taken from him and he had to leave that state he realized that drinking was not something that people did at every moment, and at some point he would have to leave it. He did not.

The boys in the office didn't care, he felt better thinking that they also drank at work but then that angered him. He did it when he was young, he would receive beat up but when your head is dizzy you don't feel the punches. Did Freddy drink at work? What if those boys encouraged him to drink? What if he gave them the drinks? Why did he care so much?

Freddy thereafter  
His mama and papa received two letters a week, he was supposed to write to them before going to the office but he couldn't; He still did not know if it was the fuss of yesterday or because he could not tell them, if he had done it for sure he would already be hanging in the square, but first the captain would do it, for being fag. Mama and Papa had not raised a faggot, but they enjoyed having one, a quieter son who did not disrespect the girls of the place, but with the great enigma of who my son will love. Sometimes he imagined to tell them and then shoot himself in the head, but that idea only existed in his head, with the mere meaning that he laughs. Although he had trouble living with it, sleepless nights worrying about what would happen if his parents found out what he used to do and also that the world he lived in would leave him in sexual oblivion if he kept silent.

For some reason the letter was written by itself, full of lies, fake friends and a girlfriend who would not have nor would they know. He would send it later. The last two days he had not spoken to the captain again, more than a heil that he shared with the other members of the office, those days he served, as usual, now he put effort into what he did. Focusing on something made him forgot about others, they gave him no reason to think, except in the evenings when the tasks are already accomplished and his mind was free to torment him whenever it craved. He had almost everything under control, at least during the day; but it wasn't just the captain and his parents who troubled him, but they, who he worked with. He didn't like the sour looks of the other girls or the mocking ones of Hans and Augustus, especially them. It was apparent that they did not know what was really going on with him but their little teasing could cause speculation or even accusations. It was a selfish desire but he wanted that if he sank the captain would go down with him.

He didn't really want to cause any damage to the man, but some grievance that didn't escape his body pushed him to be against the man, he wanted to know why he didn't want to talk to him anymore, or if he had really changed. They were complicated feelings far removed from true love but close to a silly crush fueled by frustration. It wasn't the same with Emma who felt a pain in his stomach because he didn't know how to love her, but with K he felt nauseous and anguished, wrapped in lust and intrigue for what the other man offered.

He shouldn't care much, he didn't want to be made to cry again. Maybe if he cared, if he did, he would have approached his desk alone and told him that he just wanted to see him and continue that way until the end of the camp or until someone finds out and got killed. Not now, he wanted to give him space, if he rushed the man would walk away, he would have done it - you didn't. He was still afraid of waiting too long, if he did there would be no difference between what the captain did a few years ago when fear did not allow him to be loved if he ever loved him.

He put the letter aside, ready to start the day at the office, he just had to concentrate on his work, if K really wanted him he would come, not Freddy. Maybe if he clung to it for pure fun, and he would do it too, for the lack of something to do when his orders were over.


End file.
